In one case, it’s a case of feeling like one doesn’t live up to societal expectations.In the other, it’s a case of not feeling like one is connected with the correct body.Most of them wind up linking to my post “How to date a transman” which, in turn, linked to an article by Raven Kaldera.
I’ve never experienced this because I tend to date bi-identified or pansexual/queer women.
But I’ve read some other accounts and I understand that it can be painful for a guy to find out that his partner is with him because s/he still considers him to be a woman.
For all trans people, the correct pronoun is a big one. Griping about incorrect pronoun usage is already common on blogs by trans folk. Whichever sexual orientation a trans guy has, he often winds up dating people who have fairly strict ideas about how a man should act.
But as an emotional or sexual partner, it is even more crucial that you not only get it right, but that you support your partner when they come home grumpy from having been misgendered a bunch of times that day. Unfortunately, this can put a lot of pressure on a guy, especially in early transition when he is still discovering what it means for him to be a man.
Fat people, physically disabled people and other “non-mainstream” bodies deal with similar issues all the time.