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(Yes, we made it to dinner.) At the restaurant, our waitress invited us to the hotel guest–only Library Room for dessert, on the couch, because apparently, the way we smiled at each other made it seem like we were from out of town. The next weekend, he took red-eyes to and from New York to spend Saturday with me, from a.m. I made brunch, which meant I mashed some avocado and smeared it on toast. The good part of pruning is that you get to decide what you do and do not care about. My training set includes one six-year relationship where I was twice engaged (and planned a wedding, which I canceled two months before for no other reason than wanting big love—and nothing short of it), one three-year relationship where he started saving for a ring, and a bunch others in between. So here’s what my model says as it applies to James. There’s always more to gather, and it’s always changing. Don’t be afraid to explore, to dig deep, and certainly, don’t curate what you show others. to p.m., before getting back home for Father’s Day with his two young kids, who live in L. We took a two-hour bubble bath to digest the food we didn’t eat, listening to the xx and wrapping therapy around each other à la Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in . But no matter which data set you’re examining, current or new, the process is the same: collect, analyze, adjust model, repeat.

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* And a special note to our Extraterrestrial members.

Dating, I have always believed, is at its essence, all about data: You spend time together. Generally speaking, any data collected while your subject is under extreme stress, under the influence, or in bed (with you, hopefully) should be thrown out. The parents were so exhausted from parenting they repurposed our trip as nap time for them. ”—became suddenly significant, because they exposed a hidden variable.

You use that experience as a sort of data collection. I didn’t think it would be possible to open my heart again after the divorce, but you make everything seem possible. Exception to the bed rule if it’s while cuddling.“You’re amazing.” In bed, at night—out.“You’re everything to me.” On Face Time, in the afternoon—in.“Fascinating! )The bad part of pruning your data is that —and this is the hardest, most important part, because having a good and meaningful data set will allow you to make the best decisions later. (The good thing about hidden variables, if you can uncover them, is that they have great explanatory power.) They told a story: not of how James didn’t respect me, or my time, but of his overcommitment, his lack of bandwidth, emotional or temporal, for even himself.

I met a cluster of his friends when he invited me to visit his turf a couple weekends later. They laughed and made fun of each other with love and abandon. His daughter, 4, whispered secrets in my ear, like how she had seen an adult movie—. ”“Because I just love America, and all things related to American culture, and wanted to contribute to it.” Now he writes for a hit TV show. (I wanted to rip his clothes off.)“James, when did you start falling for me? When I saw the photo of you and Olaf.” I had joined Bumble on a whim, the first weekend I became single after spending years 19 and up as a serial monogamist. I managed to find a recent one of me at my previous company’s family day, sandwiched between sing-along Olaf and off-key Elsa.